I hesitated making an entry tonight, but somehow just couldn't resist.  It is kind of like therapy, and right now I really need therapy.  It has been an awful long time since I've made an entry.  I've wanted to, but just didn't.  Also, time is always an issue.  Life is still pretty good, just getting to me.  I am everything to my family, and my husband, which isn't easy for me to accept.  I know that if I didn't do what I do every day, things would just come to a halt for my family.  Sounds conceited, right?  I know, but it is true.  I am the secretary for each family member and still trying to be an effective teacher.  Not easy!  I have few if not no friends.  I know there are people I can count on if necessary, but besides taking care of my husband and kids, there is little time to nurture those friendships.  When it comes down to reality, Kipp can do little, in the sense of running the business end of life, on his own.  He went off his anti depressant med in the last few weeks, and I am having glimpses into my old life.  I feel like we are two ships passing in the night.  We don't have any real communication about us, nor much affection.  His selfishness angers me on a regular basis.  I am remembering how he can be...self-absorbed.  I hate to sound selfish myself, but find myself thinking often, "What about me?".  When is the time when it is all about him going to end?  I felt a huge slap in the face today when after a year and a half of caring for his needs, he goes to visit an old girlfriend during the day.  Not just any old girlfriend, but the one he had an affair with almost 10 years ago.  Yes, he told me about it.  I even knew in advance.  Not wanting to be petty, I didn't say a thing, even made sure he knew where he was going.  All innocent, right?  He told me all about what they did and talked about.  She's married with 3 kids now, but of course she's not happy.  So now I feel like dirt.  I wish I had said from the start, NO, don't you dare go see her.  I know, I've had some wine tonight.  So I'm going to sleep on this and see if I feel like saying something.  I just really want to know when I  stop coming in last.